Satire: Concerned Pullman citizen’s letter about weed(s)

Gardening is news worthy if you ask our readers!



Despite the snow, gardening season is about upon us, and weed all benefit from some advice.

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist

Dear Editor,

I was reading my second favorite arboreal-themed paper last week and I came across something startling! The Daily Evergreen was devoting a whole week of the paper to weeds, and I could not be happier. 

It must have been a joint decision, but the fact that your staff cares this much about garden weeds and how to combat them is wonderful. I am not sure how you are filling so many sections, but the gardening community is most grateful for your contribution. 

While you may have some thoughts on the subject, this old gardener could not help but throw their hat into the ring. Take a leaf out of my page and maybe some of the readers will have their gardens growing like grass by the end of the season.

My first piece of advice to any would-be gardeners is to pay someone else to weed, or have your kids do it as part of their chores. There is nothing worse on your bones than kneeling down to take a nice long pull on those weeds and by the end of it, you will want to hit the hay. 

When you do not have access to external labor to pass the weeding off to, I would recommend using a spray to tame those buds. My favorite weed killer is a little rig from a local company called Can-uh-bis. 

Made from chemicals and hash concentrates – make sure to read the warning that the Can-uh-bis is not edible! Tea H Sea, another company based out of Colfax, is solving the edible problem though. 

My second piece of advice would be to get involved in a group like a community garden. Weeds are always more manageable when you can pass off the work when you are burnt out. Pulling weeds is a great way to meet people and develop a community!

Just this week, we are having a bake sale at our community garden! Shelly is bringing her special brownies, though I could not tell you for the life of me what makes them special. 

My third and perhaps most important piece of advice is to consider what you are actually growing in your garden. I know that in the media, especially in other states, weeds are demonized. But do not listen to everything you hear. 

That whole program, “Just say no to garden weeds!” never really took off anyway. 

If you have lamb’s quarter, amaranth, purslane and a few others growing in your garden then you may consider cultivating them instead of killing them. They are edible when young and tender, and make great garnishes on salads. 

I hope that you will be able to use this letter in your gardening edition! It is rare that college kids take an interest. Some of my friends told me that I had it all wrong and were spouting something about being high. 

As someone who always stays planted in the dirt like a tree, I resented that comment. They were saying that you were making this special edition about cannabis of all things? Not here in Washington or Pullman, oh no!

I hope your readers find this informative and keep their interest in weeds. Maybe we will see it spread across the country, I find it so hard to talk about it with people from some other states. Coloradans, though, seem to have a lot to say! 

Best wishes, and wish us luck with our bake sale!


Greta Green