How to do your laundry like the adult it’s time to be

One columnist details how to clean your clothes, you incompetent mess


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Did your mom do your laundry your whole life? Are you completely incompetent? Are you considering eating your laundry pods? Please read below to enlighten yourself and prevent internal bleeding.

MORGAN LESTER, Evergreen columnist

So, you finally ran out of clean underwear, you slovenly mess, and your parents never taught you how to do your own laundry. Gather your basket and your detergent and get to a washer — here are the steps to cleaning your laundry.

Separate out your loads.

Like many other guides, I fully recommend that you sort your entire load into separate piles, to both preserve your clothing and get the most cleaning power out of the washer. The most basic separation that you will need to handle will be colors and whites.

Why these two? It is very easy for your colorful laundry to stain your whites a subtle off-color, which is usually irreversible. Furthermore, with whites, you’ll want to use bleach, again, to preserve the whiteness of your whites, and given that they’re usually socks, to remove the nasty from them.

Load up the Washer

Take each load and pop them into the washer. Then, you’re going to have to worry about what you’re using to wash your clothes. For bottled detergent, simply pour into the cup the recommend amount and add directly in for top loading or fill the tray for high efficiency machines. If you are using bleach, do the same, along with anything else you might be using to wash them.

For laundry pods, you keep those damn things away from your mouth and put them directly in the machine with your clothes. Depending on the size of your load, you may need to use two or three, if you are absolutely stuffing your washer. But a warning – DO NOT OVERLOAD THE MACHINES. This could lead to multiple rinses with the machine, or even suds ending up outside of the machine and absolutely everywhere.

Set the Washer

Close the door. Turn the dial. Push the buttons. Hit the ON button. And wait.

Exchange to Dryer

Take everything out of the washer and put them into the dryer. But before you push the buttons to turn this machine on, or indeed close the door, there are a couple of things you need to do.

First up is to clean the lint trap, where excess lint pulled from your clothes has gathered. Simply get your hand in there and sweep the lint into the garbage.

Next, dryer sheets. While also adding a pleasant scent, they take care of any static between your clothes, which tends to build up when your clothes dry. Add them, or face shocks and general frustration as you attempt to peel your underwear from your shirts.

Set the Dryer

Close the door. Turn the dial. Push the buttons. Hit the ON button. And wait.

Fold that Shit

You have taken the time to wash and dry your clothes. Now it’s time to keep being an adult and take them out of the dryer and fold them – unless you want to go to class looking like a clothed set of testicles. Hang them up in the closet, or store them in drawers, and have them at the ready so that you look good when the day rolls around.

Now that you have the know-how, get to work and stop stinking up your room. Your roommate, and your significant other, whoever they might be, will thank you.