The Evergreen’s award-winning Sex and Relationship columnist Abby Student reflects on her relationships for her final column

It started in Bob’s market.

He was buying beer and I can’t even remember what I was purchasing. My memory of that day will always be consumed by how much I wanted to talk to the tall, blonde guy in front of me.

Luckily, as we neared the register, he invited me to a party. I got his number so that he could ‘give me directions’ later that night.

For a couple reasons, I never went to that party. However, two nights afterward we shared a disgusting jug of white wine and talked.

Nearly three years later, I can’t imagine where I’d be if I had never said hello to the beer boy.

For the record, I’m not saying that these last few years have been perfect. As you know from my columns, our story was no fairytale. We broke up a few times, dated other people, and learned a lot about who we were by doing so.

It’s painfully realistic, but such is life.

My point, if I can claim to make one, is that there has been someone co-writing these pieces all along.

While he has never technically touched a key on my keyboard and was almost always put on blast in the event he did make an appearance, his voice and ideas shined through.

I have spent the last two years attempting to be an expert in love and relationships, but all along, I was learning from someone else.

Whatever sense of grace or knowledge I have regarding love came from a man named Trevor Phillips, who loved me when it was anything but easy to. My wisdom, if you can call it that, came from a man who believes you’re never too busy for a kiss and that being kind to others is not a choice, but the only option.

Sometimes we don’t see eye-to-eye, but when you meet someone that’s too good for you, you hold on to them.

I held on. By doing so, I learned a lot. While there are countless lessons I could share, three seems to be the magic number for all things in this world.

Take my experience for what it is, unique to me. For my final column, I wanted to share a little bit about the man behind the woman who gave you love advice.

A pervasive theme in our relationship has been kindness. Sadly, I didn’t start out that way.

Until I met Trevor, I had never understood the enormous mountains that could be moved by simply being kind to those around us. He is as kind to a stranger as he is to his family and can make any person he speaks to feel like the only one in the world.

He has taught me that sometimes no one is right in an argument and that both sides can apologize for simply hurting one another’s feelings. Ever the blunt girl, I had to learn that there is a nice way to be honest with those around you.

As a person who had always lived with bars on my heart, my second lesson in love proved challenging.

By example, Trevor taught me that life is nothing without feeling the full spectrum of emotion. I learned that putting your heart in someone else’s hands and having to admit they hurt you doesn’t make us weak, it makes us human. While being vulnerable has led to my deepest sorrows in life, it has also taken me to my highest heights. The minor pitfalls are worth the love and trust we develop when we share our lives with others.

My final lesson emanates from who we are as people. As my friends know, I am constantly stressed, whereas Trevor seems to always go with the flow. I used to consider his attitude lazy, but have found that the best things in life happen when we stop to take a breath. I discovered how to appreciate the present and have faith in the future.

College has been a wild ride.

If you take away anything from this, let it be to love with all of your heart. Be honest with people about where you’re at emotionally and don’t punish yourself for feeling a certain way. Above all, take chances and create opportunities.

After all, the guy buying beer in front of you could be the one you share a cold one with every anniversary for the rest of your life.

Don’t worry if it’s Busch Light, either. His taste in beer will get better over time.