It was sunny Saturday morning like any other, when I woke to my significant other’s hangover breath. Undiscouraged, I pushed for some morning pillow talk. We got into how we found and decided to date one another.

“You were a lobster in a sea of shrimp,” he said. “I just had to get that tail.”

Not quite Prince Charming eloquent, but it was 9 a.m. and the man got me thinking.

While dating, we spend years casting our reel. If we’re lucky, we find a match out of all the fish in the sea. One man’s carp is another’s tournament winning bass, and oftentimes, we catch someone only to release them months or years down the line. 

Regarding a mate, how do we decide which lures to avoid and when to take the bait?

There are many schools of thought on the topic of mate selection, and theories run the gamut in terms of their foundation.

Speaking in terms of evolution, humans made their decision based on natural selection. Women chose socially and genetically attractive monogamous partners. Considering their parental investment, they wanted a partner genetically dissimilar from themselves who had adequate resources to support children.

Women desired a partner that wanted to care for their offspring long-term. Men competed for multiple women, but invested in single partner only to reproduce.

Overall, men sought attractive partners who possessed physical markers of fertility. Evolutionary psychologists today still see the tradeoff of bartering beauty and youth for financial stability.

While genetic variation is important, social homogamy theory dictates that individuals are attracted to people of a similar background. For example, people are more inclined to date someone within their religious group or someone who possesses the same education level as they do.

This theory also states that people are more inclined to mate with individuals who like to do things that they like to do. For instance, two active people would prefer one another’s company to that of a sedentary person.

The ideal mate theory is psychologically based and maintains that attraction emanates from a person’s unconscious concept of their ideal mate.

When they encounter someone that meets their criteria, they naturally embrace them as a lovable candidate. This theory facilitates for the ‘love at first sight’ phenomenon.

Fortunately, each of these theories is suited to the individual’s wants and needs; however, modern American singles do show agreement across the board.

According to a survey conducted by USA Today in 2013, both men and women rated their top two must-haves in a partner as someone who treats them with respect and someone who they can trust and confide in.

The two must-haves were flipped for each gender. Men desired someone they could confide in whereas women valued being treated with respect first and foremost. Both genders prioritized having a partner with a sense of humor.

Of the 5,500 singles surveyed, each gender judged the opposite gender the most on their teeth and grammar.

Luckily, technology has expanded the mating pool. Various social networks connect people from all walks of life and different geographic locations. While we run the risk of being ‘catfished,’ we are able to make connections based on our values and way of living.

Needless to say, the dating arena is changing, and I’m happy to report that the divorce rate is declining little by little. So is the marriage rate.

All together, choosing a mate is complicated.

As my favorite sex columnist Dan Savage said, “Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.”

Be picky, but realistic. Communication and compromise can fix most snags in your line.