Kahlil Gibran said, “To belittle, you have to be little.”

While in general I do not regard myself as a bad person, I sometimes act the part. Be it from lack of sleep, frustration with my own life, or a genuine distaste for the people I’m around, I can become insensitive and in turn, act small.

When I started writing this column, I was blind to a lot of things. I had numerous weaknesses, a small perspectival scope, and genuinely lacked the knowledge to weigh in on matters of human sexuality.

I like to think I’ve come a long way, but I know I have a lot of growing left to do.

That said, there are two carnally cruel moments in my college career that stand out above the rest.

More than a year ago, I was sitting on the floor when a woman walked by and opened her towel approximately 3 feet in front of my face. Shocked by the proximity of her vagina to my head and how different it looked from mine, I yelped. I followed up my idiotic chirp with words that were also, as you might predict, unhelpful.

Even after a year of friendship, she still thinks about my unkind words and mentions them from time to time.

Knowing what I know now about fetal genital development and the breadth of vaginal and penile differentiation in the world, I would never act this way again.

All bodies are beautiful if they are healthy and happy. No one should ever feel ashamed for his or her appearance and no one should ever make them feel as such.

Besides, I estimate that a few men probably didn’t like my nether region along the way, but had the decorum to not say anything.

The second instance I consider a thoughtless effort to get someone I had been intimate with to leave me alone so that I could pursue other opportunities.

After I had been sexual with someone a few times, I wanted to switch up my dating routine. Essentially, I wanted to jump the sexual ship of their mattress. Instead of explaining myself, this selfish sailor prioritized her needs ahead of common decency.

He questioned why I didn’t want to hang out anymore. Lazily, I told him I didn’t find him sexually attractive.

About a year later, we were talking and he said something about it. He mentioned that it had stuck out in his mind over the last year.

In no time at all, I managed to leave long-term emotional scars.

I was reckless and after listening to several friends and acquaintances recount instances similar to these two from the other side, I started thinking; kindness is one form of protection that middle schools don’t mention in sex ed.  

Kindness is important, and in its absence the bedroom can become ridden with anxiety for people who fall victim to callous words like mine.

For the man and woman that I hurt, here are the facts I’ve learned over the years.

Body structure is determined by the interaction of genetics, hormonal fluctuations, diet, and exercise. Essentially, some people are genetically inclined to gain weight, whereas others exhibiting that same eating and exercise habits are not.

For the record, I was sexually attracted to you. I was also a lazy, horny, avoidant jerk.

For the woman whose genitals I offended, I am very sorry.

The process of male and female development is similar in babies. Both the vagina and penis come from the same tissue and are internalized and externalized based on hormonal development in the womb. They continue to change during puberty and after childbirth.

The tissues are analogous; male phallic tissue manifests as the clitoris in females. For women, clitoral length, positioning and size differ. The same goes for the length, size and coloring of the labia majora and minora.

There is no vaginal beauty ideal, and I was fool to deem myself “normal.”

The same goes for penises. Shortly after birth, upon parental decision, males are either circumcised and or not. Interestingly, the majority of the world’s men are uncut. The number of circumcisions are dropping in the U.S as well.

In two years, I’ve learned that genitalia run the gamut in terms of appearance and function. They are all valuable and beautiful in their own way.

Now, the phrase “better late than never” seems more appropriate than ever.

I have recently had to tackle the beast that is body image. I’m nowhere near done wrestling my own thoughts surround my body and don’t expect to be anytime soon. I’m sorry I have negatively contributed to yours.​