I went to a Cheesecake Factory restaurant for the first time a few weeks ago and ordered a salad. It was the most American of salads one could have. 

It was a comic monstrosity of a plate, with its crowning glory of onion rings that you had to marvel at. It was labeled “Santa Fe, Southern-style” salad. Judging by its size and fried items, it was possibly Paula Deen inspired. I don’t often say, “Oh, I should not have eaten all of that salad,” but this time I did.

In reflections I thought the salad was a fitting analogy of vegetables and their role in the American diet: too much, often a second thought, but, more offensively, poorly prepared.

Salads are often horribly overdressed, the lettuce perpetually limp, the tomatoes too cold and unripe, and the avocados hard and mean. And why is it that steaming and boiling seems to be the only method when cooking? Oh great, another “healthy” steamed carrot.

Poorly-cooked vegetables make me sad, as they offer such a wide range of flavor and textural profiles.

Call this a first-world complaint, but meat is boring.

Any kitchen novice can cook a steak, chicken is… chicken, and braising meats requires time. Not to say they’re not delicious, but animal protein gets tiring quickly. In my opinion, it’s the vegetables that bring something interesting to the party. 

First off, here are some simple techniques to cooking everyday vegetables.

Broccoli

Broccoli is apparently something everyone hates, but it’s possibly one of my favorite things to eat. Simply stop boiling it, and don’t eat it raw.

Coat stems of broccoli in olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast in the oven at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for 10 minutes or so, shaking the pan halfway through. Brighten it up with a little lemon juice, and trust me, you will finally see why it is so delicious. Use this broccoli stem recipe as a base for a roasted vegetable salad or eat on its own.

Leafy greens

Stir-frying works well for nearly any leafy vegetable. It’s an Asian eats norm to not eat salads or raw greens. Don’t have a wok? No problem. Use a frying pan and call it a sauté.

This will sound strange, but get yourself a head of romaine lettuce, tear off a few leaves and chop them into large rough chunks. Heat your cooking vessel with a slick of oil on high and throw in the lettuce (the oil should spit and crackle angrily at the vegetables.) Follow immediately with as much garlic as you can be bothered to minced. Cook for five to six minutes at the most.

Season according to your taste preferences with soy sauce, fish sauce, salt and pepper, chili paste, Sriracha, and/or sesame oil. You will be surprised by how tasty lettuce leaves can be- the green top bits wilt into a sigh while the bottom whiter portions stay crunchy and firm.  Make this as an alternative dish to yet another chicken Caesar (urgh), or eat with rice and a fried egg. Try the same recipe steps with other leafy things, like spinach, iceberg lettuce or kale.

Carrots

Let’s go back to our trusty and unfortunately often-boiled friend, the carrot. Technically it’s not a vegetable, but for semantics’ sake we’ll conform to popular opinion and avoid a debate. It’s funny how produce is shaped differently around the world – back home carrots are shorter but much fatter and chubbier, while here they’re long, skinny and a little anorexic-looking.

Get a vegetable peeler and peel off the skin of the carrot. Continue making long ribbons of the carrot with the peeler, until you get to the end, which you should slice with a knife into pieces as thin as possible.

Heat up a frying pan with a copious amount of butter (no one ever said this is meant to be healthy) and when bubbly, toss in your carrots with an equally hedonistic amount of chopped garlic. Poke and prod for about five to 10 minutes until they soften, absorb all that butter and become the most ridiculously delicious plate of carrots you have ever eaten.

If you must boil or steam your vegetables, please, at least dress it with extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper.

Do the right thing; treat those poor vegetables with a bit of dignity.