At a young age, my mother told me that I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too. At the time, I was concerned with the immediate problem: a shortage of baked goods. But as I got older I began to understand the metaphor.

Based on his behavior, I’d say Tiger Woods’ mother told him the same.

Woods married society’s perfect woman, but turned to a variety of cocktail waitresses, strippers and porn stars to meet his needs in the bedroom. He couldn’t have his wife Elin both ways, so he kept her at home and, quite literally, ate elsewhere.

Woods compartmentalized his life and made the idiotic distinction that Sigmund Freud outlined in the early 1900s: There are women you marry and women you sleep with. A woman can be either a saintly Madonna or a sexualized whore, but not both.

Although Freud officially explored the phenomenon, the idea that purity directly determines a woman’s societal value has plagued cultures around the world for centuries. Historically, an intact hymen meant the difference between marrying or not. In a way, female sexuality is not female at all; it has always belonged to men.

Men who struggle with the Madonna-whore dichotomy have trouble bridging the gap between a loving, nurturing partner and sexual relationship. They are unable to maintain a respectful view of their spouse or girlfriend and do what they want in bed with that person. In an effort to preserve their wife or girlfriend’s purity, they separate sex and love entirely and have their needs met by different people.

It seems functional, but is ultimately dehumanizing. 

“If you think about it in terms of being a wealthy person, it makes sense. If you’re wealthy you probably have people that clean your house or do your yard work,” psychologist and WSU professor Laurie Smith-Nelson said. “These people serve a specific purpose. If you treat women in the way of ‘these are the women I have sex with and these are the women I marry,’ you don’t allow them to become fully human.”

It’s the Kantian difference between using someone as the means to an end, and treating them as the end itself.

Smith discussed the double standard between the opposite sexes and emphasized the word ‘opposite.’

“When you start from that perspective that they’re opposite, it’s important to know that they’re really not,” Smith said. “Male and female sexuality are more similar than they are different, but socially they are different.”

While on average men have been known to have a higher libido, women experience sexual arousal in a variety of ways and are more ‘sexually fluid’ than their male counterparts. Both male and female sex organs come from homologous tissues and experience similar physiological responses.

The issue is cultural and stems from a power imbalance. Women are socialized to be shameful about sex and remain chaste in the absence of a long-term partner. Those who deviate from the norm are scrutinized by not only their male peers, but fall victim to comments from their female peers as well. Men are encouraged to sexually engage with others while women fear the consequences of a ‘high number’ down the line.

In actuality, the Madonna-whore binary doesn’t yield much for men either.

“For men, the downside is that you never see your partner as a whole person,” Smith said. “By compartmentalizing their life, they miss out as well.”

Smith noted that studies show egalitarian relationships prove to be the most sexually and emotionally satisfying. People in egalitarian relationships are able to discuss their needs in bed and separate sexuality from personality. If that doesn’t inspire your push for equality, I don’t know what will.

At the end of the day, I realize that the shift in culture will be slow. However, I challenge you to do one thing: Don’t call women sluts, skanks or whores. Whether you are a man or a woman, every person has the right to his or her own body and the sexual expression of it.

Don’t actively or passively enforce the double standard. If you hear it, stop to educate someone else with a new viewpoint. But if they aren’t receptive, you can tell them to shove it up whatever orifice their anatomy permits.​