The early bird got the worm. He was rewarded for coming early with a hearty breakfast.

Clearly, he had a forgiving girlfriend.

This week I had the privilege of speaking with Clinical Sexologist and Sex Counselor Amy Marsh about something that affects one in three men at some point during their lifetime: premature ejaculation.

To be clear, I’m not talking about lasting a couple minutes in the sack; I believe that modern pornography has set an unrealistically-high bar for men to clear in the stamina department. I’m talking about crossing the finish line before the race is even started.

Think Jim and Nadia in “American Pie.”

Premature ejaculation, also known as rapid ejaculation, is diagnostically different from climaxing earlier than desired.

One who experiences reoccurring rapid ejaculation climaxes within one minute of penetration and is unable to delay ejaculation, according to the Mayo Clinic. Oftentimes, men who experience this become frustrated to the point that they avoid sexual contact with others.

Like all sexual dysfunction, this issue can be physical or psychologically rooted. As a standard rule, Marsh advises every client to get a medical checkup before beginning work.

“I don’t want to make any assumptions,” Marsh said.

Although there are a variety of factors that contribute to rapid ejaculation, many men explain it as an uncontrollable, nervous excitement.

“My clients that struggle with it often describe it as ‘the second I get inside her I become so nervous,” Marsh said.

In this instance, Marsh advises her clients to breathe slowly and deeply.

“Slow, deep breaths help put people in the parasympathetic nervous system,” she said. “In order to have sexual arousal happen, you have to be in parasympathetic mode to get blood to your genitals.”

Those who experience rapid ejaculation tap into their sympathetic nervous system.

“If you freak out, you go into your sympathetic nervous system which causes the fight or flight reaction,” Marsh said.​

For men dealing with rapid ejaculation, Marsh advises clients to slow things down, engage in mindful masturbation, and understand their sexual response cycle. This can be carried out via the start-stop technique.

With this technique, men are able to identify mid-level excitement in their sexual response. They are encouraged to stimulate themselves until they feel they could orgasm and then stop for a minute or so. This break allows their sexual arousal to drop before resuming activity. They can do this repeatedly and discover what works for them and what doesn’t.

Marsh doesn’t do this exclusively for mechanical reasons, but rather to encourage mindfulness in all aspects of their sexuality.

“They’re very genitally focused,” Marsh said.

Marsh said she tries to teach her clients to bring the sensations of orgasm to the rest of the body, including the brain.

“What is your penis trying to tell you?” she said.

Although I had never considered the penis as a particularly talkative organ, Marsh explained the question and connection behind it.

“Our genitals have a lot to tell us,” she said. “The body responses are based on what our nervous system is responding to.”

A lot of things can interfere with that response, including emotional barriers like spectatorship and emotional resentment.

Marsh explained that a lot of people struggle with watching themselves from the outside during intercourse, which only heightens the anxiety surrounding orgasm. As for emotional resentment, premature ejaculation becomes an issue of ‘getting it over with.’

“There’s not enough emotional safety there to linger,” she said.

Being in the moment is a vital part of having satisfying sex for both men and women. For those dealing with sexual dysfunction, partner involvement and genuine focus can prove instrumental.

“If the partner is willing to try, there’s a lot that can be done,” she said. “It’s about getting people to be more congruent with each other.”

Overall, Marsh urges people to keep their sexuality playful and not to punish one another. Partners should strive for an open, explorative attitude and not take issues personally.

They also shouldn’t make something out of nothing.

Most of the time, premature ejaculation happens only occasionally. Taking an isolated incident and making a big deal of it can be paralyzing long-term.

“It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when you start worrying about it,” Marsh said.

Remember that sex is a collaborative process. To put all the pressure on one partner, specifically the male in heterosexual encounters, is not only unfair but downright lazy.

I have always been a firm believer that the bedroom bloopers make the difference between a sexual relationship and sex.

 All I ask is that you don’t be a fair-weather fornicator.