Your fingers tear through the wrapping paper like the claws of an eviscerating cougar. Sugarplum dreams of a smartwatch or a Flutterbye Fairy dance through your mind. But the sugarplums become boiled cabbage as you uncover “The Land Before Time XI” VHS or a jar of boiled cabbage. Undesirable gifts are a hazard of the holiday season, but as you return to school in the aftermath, recognize this is a problem with several solutions.

First off, know that unwanted gifts have an important place in history. Unnecessary consumer goods helped us win the Cold War and show Communists the true meaning of Christmas: more stuff.

While some might say the mauve-and-salmon Mickey Mouse sweatshirt your aunt gave you ought to be burned or dissolved in acid, there is probably someone who wants it. Online auction sites can help you discreetly remove junk from your life with the possibility of profit. But when the toxicity of the item in question causes your wallpaper to peel, the fastest way to find it a new home is to donate it to a local thrift store.

You can also try re-gifting by wrapping the undesired item up and presenting it to someone else as if you truly care about them. But this is a dangerous maneuver, especially if the original presenter of the present discovers your scheme. The real solution is to stop the inflow of junk into your life through thoughtful and subtle communication.

The reason you are getting these incredibly pointless and unsuitable gifts is because of a failure to communicate. The last time you probably spoke to your relative was ages ago when you were six and your favorite thing in the world was “The Land Before Time.” Your relative has no new information and just assumes that your tastes have changed very little in a decade or so. That’s why thank you notes were developed.

They take longer than an email, since you have to get envelopes and stamps and such, but the impact is also increased. Emails don’t get put on the fridge, but a well-written thank you note will. A thank you note gives you the opportunity to briefly explain what your life is like now, and how you have matured into a young adult who enjoys smartwatches. Be sure to thank them for whatever it is they sent you, but invest most of your words in what your current interests and actions are. Your percentage of useless junk intake will probably decrease next year.

If it doesn’t, take pride in knowing that your relative is a true American, helping us stave off those wily Communists with every jar of boiled cabbage they send you.