Maintaining a positive view of your body is something very few people I know come by easily. Even the ones you think are the most confident in the world, and make it seem easy, probably struggle with body positivity deep down, or have struggled with it at one point.

Now, take that lack of confidence you feel walking around campus, wondering if you look OK, and multiply that by a thousand. That’s how it can feel when you’re standing completely exposed in front of your significant other.

There are very few people I’ve met who don’t have some fault they see in themselves. For some, there’s the obvious: their stomach is too flabby, their arms aren’t toned enough, or their thigh gap isn’t impressive enough. For others, they might not like their freckles, their complexion, or their hair.

No matter what, most everyone has something they don’t like about their appearance, and they do something to try and cover it up, whether it’s through makeup or clothing, to try and draw attention away from those flaws and make them disappear.

But what happens when you’re in the bedroom, and clothes and perfect hair and makeup are taken out of the picture?

Most of the time the issue of self-consciousness isn’t addressed by either party. It either isn’t brought up, or it isn’t talked about much if it is. It’s pretty easy to tell if your partner feels uncomfortable with their appearance, though.

If your partner likes to keep the lights off, or the sheets on when they’re naked, or if you try to touch a part of them and they shy away, there’s a chance they are uncomfortable with that part of their body. If this seems to be the case, there’s not much you can do but ask them if they are feeling self-conscious.

Like with any other part of a relationship, communication is key. If you’re getting feely with your partner and they shy away when you go to feel their stomach or thighs, then take a step back and ask if they feel uncomfortable. Don’t keep going for that spot until you address that reaction; it will only make them more uncomfortable.

If they do tell you that’s a spot they like to keep hidden and under the radar, then you better tell them how much you love them for it. I’m not saying you should lie if you don’t like that their tummy has a pooch or their arm is flabby or their hip bone is so sharp that it feels like you’re getting stabbed when you hug them. But if you have a problem with any part of your honey’s body, then you better get over it.

We’re all perfectly imperfect humans. And who knows, maybe your girl’s put on weight because she’s stress eating because of a problem you know nothing about. Or maybe your man is having a hard time making it to the gym to buff up for you.

A relationship is about loving your partner for who they are, and helping them through a change if they want one. Maintain open communication with them, so you can make sure you’re doing everything you can to help them feel better.

Self-consciousness is a part of everyday life, and it is even harder to deal with in the bedroom. If you see your partner looking shy or embarrassed standing butt naked in front of you, get your ass up and give them a big bear hug, and tell them how perfect they look. Love is a beautiful thing, and sex is the ultimate way to be close to your lover. If you’re going to be with someone, make them feel comfortable and beautiful. If you don’t think they are, then get out of their life before you do any more damage.

Taken from the other perspective…

It can be difficult to feel confident in front of your partner when you’re completely exposed. But it is possible to get past that and embrace your sexy, no matter what body you have to work with.

For the ladies, you might want to try getting some lingerie. That’s a great way to stay sexy and revealing while keeping the focus off of your perceived imperfections. Also, sparkly lingerie is fun.

For guys, lighting can be a huge help. It helps to not literally spotlight every blemish. Try a lamp instead of the usual overhead lighting.

If you are feeling uncomfortable about removing your clothes and letting every part of you be seen, it would be in your interest to express that to your partner. By bringing that issue to light, you are showing them you feel they are trustworthy, and they will know to be thoughtful when interacting with your body.

Just like with anything you’re self-conscious about, the more you’re exposed to it, the better. Find what works for you and your partner, and go from there. Set any boundaries or norms you feel are appropriate, and respect them. If only one partner is feeling uncomfortable, let them make the next move in terms of how much skin is shown, so they are in control of their feelings. Other than that, just let them know you love them just how they are. Tell them that enough and they’re bound to believe you eventually.