SATIRE: UW football team disbands permanently after Apple Cup loss

Apple Cup takes rightful place in Pullman

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KESTRA ENGSTROM

Honestly, after losing to the ultimate underdogs in such a fashion, UW had no other choice.

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor

Two weeks ago, the Cougs headed to Husky Stadium in Seattle to face off against the University of Washington’s football team in the annual Apple Cup match-up. When they left the football field that night, the college football scene in the state of Washington would never be the same again.

WSU beat UW 40-13, ending a seven-year Apple Cup losing streak for the Cougs. They emerged victorious in Seattle for the first time since 2007 and snatched the biggest win over UW in the history of the rivalry.

In the heat of the moment, elated WSU fans stormed the field. Faced with an unusual new precedent as their rival’s fans rushed their field, UW could not keep them away. The Huskies were penalized $25k due to PAC-12 rules prohibiting fans from rushing the field.

Rather than pay the embarrassing fine and truly submit to WSU football’s prowess this season, last Sunday UW’s Athletic Director, Jennifer Cohen, made a shocking announcement — UW has opted to disband their football team permanently.

“We just … don’t really know how to come back from this,” Cohen said at a press conference on Sunday after making the announcement.

It is unknown what will become of the team’s staff, budget, players or franchise in general. In fact, nearly nothing is known about what will become of anything at all.

The whole decision seems like it was very rushed — although it probably was not as rushed as the football was Friday night whenever it was in the hands of WSU running back Max Borghi.

Without a football team, the fate of the infamous WSU versus UW rivalry remains unknown as well. Perhaps another team will swoop in and intercept the empty spot against WSU, just like the Cougs intercepted the ball four times against UW that Friday night.

The Cougs should extend credit for the win to former interim — and now head — coach Jake Dickert.

Dickert took over after the firing of former head coach, Nick Rolovich, in October for his refusal to follow state-wide vaccine mandates. The incredible Apple Cup win, and pretty much everything else accomplished by the team under Dickert, proves that vaccines really do save lives.

At the end of the game, amid a sea of Coug fans, freshman quarterback Jayden de Laura planted a Coug flag right in the middle of Husky Stadium’s Alaska Airlines Field, driving the victory into the very heart of Seattle and Husky fans.

So what is next for the Cougs?

Although they missed a chance to play in the upcoming PAC-12 Championships in Las Vegas, their season is not over yet. WSU players and fans are now on the edge of their seats anxiously awaiting the announcement of where they will be headed this winter to play in a PAC-12 Bowl Game.

“Everyone’s saying we’re going to the Sun Bowl in El Paso, Texas,” said Taia Butch, sophomore sports management major. “But I really just want to focus on the Apple Cup for a little while longer.”

While our football team and Coug fans everywhere celebrate this incredible victory, let us all take a moment for what was once our rival school.

May they rest without peace, reliving this absolute shutdown from the Cougs long into the future. It is a shame they could not stand to face us again next year.

Apparently, UW would rather lose everything then lose this bad to WSU again.